Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Julie got 14

This was pretty interesting. I got 18 BUT I must confess I guessed on 5 of them and happened to get them correct so - - -

- Dad

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 13:43:45 -0500
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Katie got 12

This is fun but harder than you might think!!!
The average person only gets 7 right. This is based on U.S. info, so use all
lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it looks - it just
shows how little most of us really see!
There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all
our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are
harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the
commonplace things of life.
Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of
your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer!
Can you beat 20?? (The average is 7) Write down your answers as you go. !
check answers (on the bottom) AFTER completing all the questions.
That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk...
Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on the
subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to your friends and
also back to the one who sent it to you.
ARE. - If not, just have fun! Here we go!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't
know) 3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What six colours are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
(Don't you dare get up to
7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13 . On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15 How many sides does a stop sign have?
16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc.
Who's missing?
20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening
between the slats?
23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone.
What 2 symbols bear no digits?
24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

1. Bottom
2. 52
3. Right
4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black, & gold 5. 1, 0 6. Right 7. 40 8. Red 9.
88 10. Clockwise (north of the equator) 11. Towards bottom right 12. 12
(there is no channel #1) 13. Left 14. Clockwise as you look at it 15. 8 16.
Left 17. 5 18. 6 19. Bashful 20. 8 21. Ace of spades 22. Left 23. *, # 24. 3
25. Counter Now send it to s ome of your friends and put your score in the
subject box!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

FW: Forwarded Messages!

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank
you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Not to
mention that I have dramatically improved my skills in using the e-mail
Delete message function.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the note about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes because I now have to go get a wet sponge every time I need to
seal an envelope -- even if it's self-sticking. Also, I scrub the top
of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Proctor & Gamble products because they support Devil

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo in heat on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
since they are actually disguised Al Qaeda front companies.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer eat McDonald's
hamburgers because every cow in the world will be butchered as a result.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus that I
never bought since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all -- but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of Avian Flu diarrhea will
land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's mechanic's
plumber's cousin's beautician.

FW: Fw: Growing Up in Missouri

This is pretty funny - but true!!

>Subject: Fw: Growing Up in Missouri
>Date: Thu, 19 Jan 2006 08:16:00 -0600
>----- Forwarded by
> cc
> Subject
> Fw: Growing Up in Missouri
>1. You've never met any celebrities.
>2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip,"
>3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six
>4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
>5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example, "Well,
>Webb City's only 20 minutes away."
>6. Down south to you means Arkansas.
>7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
>8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
>9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
>10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
>11. You know what "Party Cove" is.
>12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
>13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did
>you go to?"
>14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
>15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
>16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
>17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
>18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
>it, no matter what time of day.
>19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.
>20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
>"Where's my coat at?"
>21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable
>or grain.[What is the Testicle Festival? fruit,grain or veg.
> There actually is a festival by that name and it's down around
>Jefferson City.
>22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
>23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O
>salad with marshmallows.
>24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
>25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
>26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
>27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
>28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
>29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one
> page, but requires six pages for sports.
>30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." (St. Louis only.)
>31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
>32. You think that "deer season" is a National Holiday.
>33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia,
> and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and the
> Warrenton Outlet Mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
>34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the
> middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
>35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.[more important - which
>ones don't]
>36. You've said, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity."
>37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and
>38. You know if another Missourian is from the Boot-heel, Ozarks, Eastern,
>Middle or
> Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.
>39. You know that Harry S Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from
> [Did they forget to add Dennis Weaver and Brad Pitt?]
>40. You failed World Geography in school because you thought Cuba,
>Versailles, California,
> Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were
>cities in Missouri.
> (And they are!)
>41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
>42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means.
>43. You actually get this and forward it to all your Missouri friends.

Fwd: A Women Should Have.....


A set of screwdrivers,

a cordless drill, and

a black lace bra..


One friend who

always makes her laugh...

And one

who lets her cry...


A good piece of furniture

not previously owned by

anyone else in her family...


Eight matching plates,

wine glasses with stems,

and a recipe for a meal that will

make her guests feel honored.


A feeling of control over

her destiny...


How to fall in love

without losing herself...






When to try harder... and



That she can't change

the length of her calves,

the width of her hips, or

the nature of her parents...


That her childhood

may not have been perfect ...

but it's over...


What she would and wouldn't

do for love or more...


How to live alone...

even if she doesn't like it...


Whom she can trust,

Whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't take it personally...


Where to go...

Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...

Or a charming inn in the woods...

When her soul needs soothing...


What she can and can't accomplish

In a day...

A month..

And a year...

SEND THIS TO 3 WOMEN.... you will have good luck for an entire day..

SEND THIS TO 6 WOMEN.... you will have good luck for all of the year.

FW: The leading express outlet serving our needs for health products better.

How is your day

This internet store's posting is worth talking about- I already obtained my
new merchandise!

See you at the gym later,


-----Original Message-----
From: Dewey
Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:38 AM
To: Charmaine
Subject: The leading express outlet serving our needs for health products
Greetings my friend Charmaine,

I think that you should check out this internet store so you can be
thrilled with how good the prices are! I am aware that mitigating goods
have repeatedly been a hassle for you. You couldn't guess what my buddy
informed me about this morning.

Every day will be so much more bearable after you get the remedies you
ought to have. I am certain. Rapid posting gets you your order in the
shortest amount of time possible.

I know how tough it has been for you to locate a good purchase on your

emotionless Belgium poetry perfectly willing, perfectly willing--as I
always supply cockroach have been to humor your childish whims."
emotion Belgium deserve ill/well,better/of

Call me about the movie,


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Fwd: FW: Fwd: [Fwd: Fw: If Men Vacuumed ! ! !]

> > From Grandpa.


He Said/She Said

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've

got nothing to put in it. She said .. . . You wear
pants don't you?

He said ... . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the

grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband follows

me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the

world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government

A. The bonds mature.

Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her

husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars

have in common?
A. They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so

beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."


Fwd: FW: Fwd: Proof Of Global Warming....

Fwd: FW:

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold. The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers.
He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you? You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight. Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in."
So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said, "John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son." She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big fireplace, and she went off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm.

Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?" He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food," The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more Then he thought to himself: John 3:16...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure makes a hungry boy full.

She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big fire hydrant as they flushed it out.
The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and picked up a big Bible.
She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face. "Do you understand John 3:16?" She asked gently. He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it," She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there and thought: John 3:16....don't understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end. I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father." Pass this on only if you mean it.

I do Love God. He is my source of existence. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Phil 4:13 If you love God and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things he has done for you, send this on.
Take 60 seconds & give this a shot! Let's just see if Satan stops this one. All you do is:

1) Simply say a small prayer for the person who sent you this, "Father, God bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day!"

2) Then send it on to ten other people. Within hours ten people have prayed for you, and you caused a multitude of people to pray to God for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves.