Fwd: Mozart Effect

THE 'MOZART EFFECT'

A new report now says that the 'Mozart Effect' is a fraud. For you hip urban
professionals: no, playing Mozart for your designer baby will not improve
his IQ or help him get into that exclusive pre-school. He'll just have to
be admitted to Harvard some other way. Of course, we're all better off for
listening to Mozart purely for the pleasure of it. However, one wonders that
if playing Mozart sonatas for little Hillary or Jason could boost their
intelligence, what would happen if other composers were played in their
developmental time?

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says
anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently.
Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his
sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume that
he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other
words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop
listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people
stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think
he's cool.

IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several
separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane
outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his
sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his
sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT: CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES, 33
SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS!