Friday, February 03, 2006

FW: the Darwin awards

I got the following e-mail and I thought you would enjoy it also.

You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to the
> person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the
> most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been
> keen. And the candidates this year are .............
> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
> after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
> his car keys.
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
> accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
> Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
> the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
> dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in
> a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
> burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
> banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
> resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took escue workers
> using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
> looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
> through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
> caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
> hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
> bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
> bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington
> DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
> previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing in
> handguns.
> 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
> patrol car parked at the front door.
> 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
> before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
> hold-up,and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol.
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
> with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
> several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired.
> The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
> Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
> shop.
> The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
> Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.
> No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
> Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in
> their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
> and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
> apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
> they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in
> the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10
> men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
> Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
> brought a bungee rope.
> Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
> coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
> around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
> lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
> ankle.
> He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued
> by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was
> watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for
> it."
> Bingham's foot was never located.
> Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
> constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
> bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
> let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
> ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
> him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
> Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
> unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> him" said flabbergasted
> Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he
> lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along,
> and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
> accidents that proves that "Shit happens!


Blogger charles said...

I am not sure why I feel compelled to comment, but the story about the guy who robs the gun store ran a little too false given that you can't purchase handguns in DC. Well if anyone is interested, not that you should be, here is what happened.

6:10 PM  

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